ML:BW

18
May
I’ve had this stupid fucking writers block for so long. That choking fear that if you say too much, if you’re perfectly and completely honest, you will face too much ridicule or risk hurting others entwined in the story you’re trying to unfold. Something hit me tonight while I was reading this really honest, no holds barred novel by a woman I recently met. She uses language that I would be anxious about putting in my own work. Like, what if my FATHER read that? What would he think of me using such filthy language. Truth? I think he’d be proud that I stopped giving a shit about what others think of me. But, back to this riveting novel and inspirational writer — what she has done is blow me away. She has opened my eyes and broken down the blockade, eliminating so much of the fear that has stopped me. She gave me my starting point. Not only that, but I am finally starting to regain my balance, getting my head above the water and really breathing. Moving beyond some stressful situations at work and seeing Jay relax, even just a little, about the construction of Getaway, has allowed me to ease up myself. Tonight we went on a date. On this gorgeous New England evening, we went to a surprisingly cute area in Lowell and ate delicious barbecue. We held hands as we walked down the street. I barely remember what we talked about. It was just wonderful to get out, together, and enjoy that hour or so. It was the first real date we had been on since he came home from tour, and it was so desperately needed, for both of us. My advice, unsolicited, is that you need to find time to be with one another no matter what the hell is going on. Unless, of course, your partner is actually on the road. It’s important for the relationship and for the sanity of you both. Tonight my newly minted designer/Twitter friend Craig (@CraigNB) tweeted: “Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must live.” Dear God did I need that tweet. I’ve felt like an insane person, living in someone else’s skin for the last two weeks. I finally feel like I am coming back to earth.

I’ve had this stupid fucking writers block for so long. That choking fear that if you say too much, if you’re perfectly and completely honest, you will face too much ridicule or risk hurting others entwined in the story you’re trying to unfold.

Something hit me tonight while I was reading this really honest, no holds barred novel by a woman I recently met. She uses language that I would be anxious about putting in my own work.

Like, what if my FATHER read that? What would he think of me using such filthy language. Truth? I think he’d be proud that I stopped giving a shit about what others think of me.

But, back to this riveting novel and inspirational writer — what she has done is blow me away. She has opened my eyes and broken down the blockade, eliminating so much of the fear that has stopped me.

She gave me my starting point.

Not only that, but I am finally starting to regain my balance, getting my head above the water and really breathing.

Moving beyond some stressful situations at work and seeing Jay relax, even just a little, about the construction of Getaway, has allowed me to ease up myself.

Tonight we went on a date. On this gorgeous New England evening, we went to a surprisingly cute area in Lowell and ate delicious barbecue. We held hands as we walked down the street. I barely remember what we talked about.

It was just wonderful to get out, together, and enjoy that hour or so. It was the first real date we had been on since he came home from tour, and it was so desperately needed, for both of us.

My advice, unsolicited, is that you need to find time to be with one another no matter what the hell is going on. Unless, of course, your partner is actually on the road. It’s important for the relationship and for the sanity of you both.

Tonight my newly minted designer/Twitter friend Craig (@CraigNB) tweeted:

“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must live.”

Dear God did I need that tweet. I’ve felt like an insane person, living in someone else’s skin for the last two weeks. I finally feel like I am coming back to earth.

15
Jan

There is something I really love about “swings” like this one. Of course, it looks whimsical, but it also gives you a comfortable nook in which to snuggle up with a blanket and a wonderful book. If we had appropriate trees around our house, I would absolutely love to have something like this.

28
Oct

We are mid-way through the Bane/Defeater tour. Mid-way.

At this point, it is usually about a week before Jay is home. But no, not this time around. This time it is two and a half weeks until he is home. That is, until he is home for 10 days before he goes of to Europe for 10 days with Every Time I Die and a few other off-shoot shows (one with Saves the Day. Stop laughing. I’m serious).

This is also the point where I am beyond ready for him to be home, I get a little sad, and I want to kill the three band dudes in the back of the van yelling things like, “I’m married and I’m on the phone,” when we’re talking after I get out of work. Yes, dudes, he IS married and he DOES like to talk to his wife.

Did I mention this is the point in the tour when he, too, is done and is ready to come home?

Anyway, similar to Alyssa D.’s text Tuesday posts, Jase sent me a really sweet text on Thursday. In the first photo above, from left to right, is the photo he sent me with, “I miss you.” He proceeded to ask me if I remember what the building is.

Of course I did! Picture number two shows the two of us with a little piano prodigy at a live NPR concert in Santa Barbara. It was the first trip we took together and the first time I ever met his mom. She made us take the photo with the little piano girl, who Jay later tagged in the photo as one of my best friends, Jenna “I love bacon” Burpee.

Any way, in typical Friday night fashion, I’ve been drinking a delicious red wine, courtesy of Paul and (as seen in the third photo) editing the novel I started almost one year ago for National Novel Writing Month. And of course, a lengthy phone date with the love of my life. I thought the mid-tour point would be a good time to highlight some of the things I’ve done since my husband abandoned me for the road.

  • I’ve cooked several delicious meals 
  • I finally met my Scottish other half, Sophie
  • I wrote my first Inklings blog post
  • I got to spend an unexpected day + with my husband
  • I am half-way through a book that is changing my view of marriage
  • I’ve posted two poems on an account elsewhere. I’m not sure I’m ready to share with all of you yet, as some are people I know in real life
  • I cleaned my house and am nearly finished my thank you notes
  • I am _ (this) close to having my second guest blog post, from a woman who I get closer to by the day — it’s a pretty awesome thing

So, I’ve been busy — and that list doesn’t even incorporate the projects I have been chipping away at while at work. Tomorrow is Marissa’s annual Halloween party, and I have baked a cake for the occasion. I’ll frost tomorrow and see how it goes. If it’s good, there will be a photo. If not, it won’t see the light of day.

Time to curl up in bed with my dog. Goodnight, all. Have a safe and happy weekend.

Laura ♥

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