I’ve had this stupid fucking writers block for so long. That choking fear that if you say too much, if you’re perfectly and completely honest, you will face too much ridicule or risk hurting others entwined in the story you’re trying to unfold.
Something hit me tonight while I was reading this really honest, no holds barred novel by a woman I recently met. She uses language that I would be anxious about putting in my own work.
Like, what if my FATHER read that? What would he think of me using such filthy language. Truth? I think he’d be proud that I stopped giving a shit about what others think of me.
But, back to this riveting novel and inspirational writer — what she has done is blow me away. She has opened my eyes and broken down the blockade, eliminating so much of the fear that has stopped me.
She gave me my starting point.
Not only that, but I am finally starting to regain my balance, getting my head above the water and really breathing.
Moving beyond some stressful situations at work and seeing Jay relax, even just a little, about the construction of Getaway, has allowed me to ease up myself.
Tonight we went on a date. On this gorgeous New England evening, we went to a surprisingly cute area in Lowell and ate delicious barbecue. We held hands as we walked down the street. I barely remember what we talked about.
It was just wonderful to get out, together, and enjoy that hour or so. It was the first real date we had been on since he came home from tour, and it was so desperately needed, for both of us.
My advice, unsolicited, is that you need to find time to be with one another no matter what the hell is going on. Unless, of course, your partner is actually on the road. It’s important for the relationship and for the sanity of you both.
Tonight my newly minted designer/Twitter friend Craig (@CraigNB) tweeted:
“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must live.”
Dear God did I need that tweet. I’ve felt like an insane person, living in someone else’s skin for the last two weeks. I finally feel like I am coming back to earth.