My Life as a Band Wife

The first time Jay and I went to California together, we used my phone as our iPod. At the time, we were not signed up for any listening services, so we only had what was actually on my phone. He was surprised when I put Braid on.

He asked, as if to test me, what the best song on the record is. I answered, without hesitation, “A Dozen Roses.” There was a hand squeeze and smile of approval.

This is still one of my favorite memories from when we first started seeing one another.

I have a lot of fond memories of listening to Frame and Canvas, from long drives in my car to spending hours and hours writing on my grandmother’s porch, with the record on repeat in the background.

Last night I finally got to see Braid live, playing Frame and Canvas from top to bottom, with the love of my life and some of our closest friends.

There are few bands, or even records, these days that truly move me. To experience that record in the way that I did, on a perfect Sunday, summer evening - I am forever the resident emo, and this particular memory is one I will cherish for the rest of my life.

Today I went off to the hospital (again) to get electroshocked and stuck with needles (again). I don’t believe I mentioned it, but recently I was informed that I have arthritis in my lower spine and that I may be dropping things and losing feeling in my hands because of carpel tunnel. Turns out, it isn’t carpel tunnel but more arthritis. Physical therapy, yoga therapy and occupational therapy for the foreseeable future. What fun!

That being said, my husband was kind enough to take time out of his work day to take me to the appointment. Last time they did the work on my left leg and I was unable to walk properly for a couple of days. I was worried about what it would do to my hands - turns out we only tested one and I probably could have driven. But. Jay and I got the new bacon sundae from Burger King. It was fine. It would be better made at home with crispier bacon and chocolate ice cream.

I tried to sit outside in the sun after my appointment with the latest issue of Cooking Light, but my projects were calling to me so I went inside and got to work.

Now, after making turkey patty juicy lucy burgers with apple and Gruyere, kale chips and grilled peaches with brown sugar and balsamic, I am listening to Feist radio on Pandora. I love how much Regina Spektor the station plays. Plus, drinking a glass of white and doing some writing. 

How was your day?

When Jay and I started talking about getting married, we took on the conversation of me changing my name almost instantly. When I was in my late teens I had made the decision that I would keep my last name. It took a long time for me to truly love it – I am sure you can imagine all of the names I was called as a child. Not to mention I am proud to be my father’s daughter and feel proud to carry his name.

But it is important to Jay that I carry his name, so I agreed to change it. Honestly, taking his name became important to me, too. Just as I am proud of my father, of being his daughter, I am proud of my husband and of being his wife. While I am yet to file the papers to make it official (soon, Jase, I promise!), I have started taking his name in my private life.

My professional life has been a different story.

I think that Ruchika Tulshyan’s piece for Forbes sums it up best:

Keeping your own last name after marriage is not about feminism anymore. Women are holding on to their maiden names because of their careers, especially if they work in the media, or other fields where they cultivate a brand name.

As a reporter I was published with my maiden name. I’ve been in PR for nearly a year with my maiden name. To me, it made sense to keep my name as is in this context. Naturally, several people disagreed with this train of thought (including my husband, I am sure) and think I am young enough in my career to make the change seamlessly.

So, what is a young, newly-wed professional to do?

Well, at least for me, I will be changing my name. Both personally and professionally. There is so much time for me to build my brand with my new name and it could even be an exciting adventure. I just hope that nothing crazy happens with Jay’s band that could circle back to me and tarnish my good, new name (I joke, of course). But I will also be keeping Paine as a middle name. I just can’t let it go.

So, fellow wives: did you decide to keep your maiden name or change it to honor your new husband and your new life? Future wives: will you be changing your name?