ML:BW

Honestly,

I haven’t felt like writing, and I am sure you’ve been able to tell.

I try to keep this blog really positive. I felt that women in my situation really need someone who is going to say that tour life isn’t that bad – and in a lot of ways it isn’t. A lot of people need someone who can take bad situations and see a silver lining. I try to do that, even when I’m writing about my health troubles. Over the last month I had a really difficult time seeing the silver lining and I didn’t want to bring the rest of you down.

I realized yesterday that being authentic is more important than providing you with something I think you want to read. I’m a real person with real struggles and real joys. This blog won’t help you if you can’t see how someone else deals with what is a real life, adult issue.

After California, my positive energy and mood went in a downward spiral pretty fast. Many have asked me what happened with the house, especially after the fun we had with the financing

We had to back out of the offer. We made the decision while we were on vacation, after we realized we would have to make the sellers wait six-plus weeks for us to get everything we needed in order. The truth is, I was sad to have to let it go, but it really did make the most sense for us and for the studio.

But then it came down to the big issue: we have nowhere to live.

There is nothing like being homeless and squatting with a friend within the first six months of marriage. Jay and I looked at all of our options, including moving out of state. Frankly, I tried very hard to be open minded about the idea, but the prospect made me physically ill and every time it got brought up I became anxious and prone to tears.

My family and friends, my career, and my support system is here. I can’t imagine leaving all of that behind, especially while Jay still has Defeater. I can’t tell you how much I admire the many women who are strong enough to start over and do that – there are quite a few who read this blog that have done just that. Deep down, though, I knew it wasn’t for me.

I didn’t want to talk about it. Not with my friends, family, or even with any of you. I barely wanted to talk about it with Jay. I was so excited about that house, having a place to call our own, and to be nearer to one of my best friends, that losing it was incredibly painful. I tried to play that pain down, but it had been killing my insides. It was causing me to be very, very cranky (how my husband deals with me, I will never know. He really is amazing).

Everyone had told us not to get attached, but I couldn’t imagine not getting attached to a place we were going to spend thousands of dollars on and would likely be living in for the next 10 years. I wish I listened.

I’ve been antsy, anxious and desperate to get out of our situation. It’s made me cranky and edgy. For anyone who has had to squat for any period of time, it is difficult not to truly have your own space and to have to live by someone else’s rules.

We’re lucky to be living in a beautiful house with an incredibly generous friend. I don’t want to downplay that at all. If it weren’t for him, we’d still be living in the filth and constraints of our last place, or we’d have nowhere to live at all.

I’m just ready to get out, to be a married couple in our first house. I suppose I am ready to talk now because there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We did find a house that we love, that’s perfect for the studio and even has a giant tub and yoga room. It’s the best first house we could ever hope to have, and I am starting to get excited about it.

I’m also trying to be realistic about it. It has been six weeks and the documents we need still have no come through. Thankfully, we have a couple of weeks before we need them. I guess I will feel a lot better and more interested in sharing details once we’ve been able to get financing.

To everyone who has stood by me, talked me through the tough time I was having, and stayed interested in the blog – thank you. It really does mean the world to me.

The LGBTQ are people too: Prop 8 is overturned and Washington state passes gay marriage bill

Well, folks, we’re getting there.

On Feb. 7, a three-judge panel in the Federal District Court of the Northern District of California ruled that Proposition 8 is in violation of the constitutional right of gay men and lesbians in California.

Gee, you think?

From The New York Times:

But Tuesday’s 2-to-1 decision was much more narrowly framed than the sweeping ruling of Judge Walker, who asserted that barring same-sex couples from marrying was a violation of the equal protection and due process clauses of the Constitution.

The two judges on Tuesday stated explicitly that they were not deciding whether there was a constitutional right for same-sex couples to marry, instead ruling that the disparate treatment of married couples and domestic partners since the passage of Proposition 8 violated the Constitution’s Equal Protection Clause.

“Although the Constitution permits communities to enact most laws they believe to be desirable, it requires that there be at least a legitimate reason for the passage of a law that treats different classes of people differently,” Judge Stephen R. Reinhardt wrote in the decision. “There was no such reason that Proposition 8 could have been enacted.”

Read more …

The rest of my vacation with Jase was wonderful.
After Las Vegas we drove off to San Diego, where we grabbed a quick bite to eat and crashed at the Courtyard hotel.
The next morning I dragged Jay to The Mission, which is one of my favorite places to eat in California. We had mimosas with our breakfast — what better way to kick-off an awesome day? 
The weather was perfect, so we drove over to Mission Bay and took a stroll on the beach. The nearby boardwalk also had an amusement park, but we didn’t have time to drop in. We had a very important appointment to make…
We met up with Jay’s friend RJ at Black Anvil tattoo, where Jay and I got puzzle pieces tattooed on our left ribs. When put together they read, “Now all these tastes improve through the view that comes with you.” It’s a line from our wedding song, Sweet Avenue, by Jets to Brazil. After that we grabbed burritos at Pokez and made the drive back to Santa Barbara.
 In the morning we went off to Jeannine’s Restaurant with Pamela. If you are ever in the area, you seriously need to check this place out. I had the most amazing and decadent banana Kahlua French toast. The orange juice and cappuccino were also incredible. We all agreed it was a five star place.
After breakfast we hit the Santa Barbara zoo. Pamela and I fed a giraffe, we saw all kinds of really cool animals, including Meerkat and penguins seen above! The weather was incredible, sunny and nearly 80 degrees. Sunburns in January are always fun ;)
We took a tour of Sonos, where Mark works. It was such a cool office. The listening room is amazing. There is a measurement room that kills sound, which Pamela and I couldn’t stand being in. It completely messes with your hearing, makes you feel off balance, and a little bit claustrophobic. As you can imagine, Jay loved this part of the day. His audio nerd really came out. 
The rest of the afternoon was spent reading in the backyard, eating oranges off of the tree, and playing a little Skyrim. We went to Santa Barbara Shellfish Co. to finish off the trip. I love Alaskan King crab legs. So much. They’re a lot of work to eat, but totally worth it. Pamela and Mark had this gigantic spider crab, which was as incredible to look at as it was to eat. We packed up and headed back to LA after dinner since we had an early flight.
I already miss sunny, warm, lovely California and our family there. I started reading about Buddhism and I have a couple of really great books that I look forward to diving into. While Jay and I were on vacation, some things about our plans and our future changed — but more about that later. Time to unpack and get organized to go back to real life!
Laura ♥

The rest of my vacation with Jase was wonderful.

  • After Las Vegas we drove off to San Diego, where we grabbed a quick bite to eat and crashed at the Courtyard hotel.
  • The next morning I dragged Jay to The Mission, which is one of my favorite places to eat in California. We had mimosas with our breakfast — what better way to kick-off an awesome day?
  • The weather was perfect, so we drove over to Mission Bay and took a stroll on the beach. The nearby boardwalk also had an amusement park, but we didn’t have time to drop in. We had a very important appointment to make…
  • We met up with Jay’s friend RJ at Black Anvil tattoo, where Jay and I got puzzle pieces tattooed on our left ribs. When put together they read, “Now all these tastes improve through the view that comes with you.” It’s a line from our wedding song, Sweet Avenue, by Jets to Brazil. After that we grabbed burritos at Pokez and made the drive back to Santa Barbara.
  •  In the morning we went off to Jeannine’s Restaurant with Pamela. If you are ever in the area, you seriously need to check this place out. I had the most amazing and decadent banana Kahlua French toast. The orange juice and cappuccino were also incredible. We all agreed it was a five star place.
  • After breakfast we hit the Santa Barbara zoo. Pamela and I fed a giraffe, we saw all kinds of really cool animals, including Meerkat and penguins seen above! The weather was incredible, sunny and nearly 80 degrees. Sunburns in January are always fun ;)
  • We took a tour of Sonos, where Mark works. It was such a cool office. The listening room is amazing. There is a measurement room that kills sound, which Pamela and I couldn’t stand being in. It completely messes with your hearing, makes you feel off balance, and a little bit claustrophobic. As you can imagine, Jay loved this part of the day. His audio nerd really came out.
  • The rest of the afternoon was spent reading in the backyard, eating oranges off of the tree, and playing a little Skyrim. We went to Santa Barbara Shellfish Co. to finish off the trip. I love Alaskan King crab legs. So much. They’re a lot of work to eat, but totally worth it. Pamela and Mark had this gigantic spider crab, which was as incredible to look at as it was to eat. We packed up and headed back to LA after dinner since we had an early flight.

I already miss sunny, warm, lovely California and our family there. I started reading about Buddhism and I have a couple of really great books that I look forward to diving into. While Jay and I were on vacation, some things about our plans and our future changed — but more about that later. Time to unpack and get organized to go back to real life!

Laura ♥