The Golden Rule
So there I was, once again, thinking of something I could possibly give my input on. I was trying to gain some inspiration by reading Laura’s posts –as I usually do- and voila! Here it goes.
Whenever you’re associated with any sort of known relationship that requires a lot of smiles, handshakes, and name remembering I have found that people just assume they know everything about you. Doing something like Laura has with this blog opens a huge new window of opportunity for judgment and criticism. I’m sure I speak for at least Laura and myself when I say that people use the ability to anonymously voice these criticisms in a way that can be extremely hurtful and demeaning. So, how do you take sticking up for yourself and turn it into something that doesn’t make you look crazy and possessive? If I had to choose an answer it would be – Gracefully.
In the last year and half I have spent with Derek I have had a hard time dealing with the comments and questions I have gotten anonymously. Although I may have started this relationship out by acting like Derek was untouchable to anything resulting in me acting certain ways that were definitely inappropriate, I don’t believe that I deserved some of the back lash that I took on. What I am having a hard time getting around with this particular project that I have enjoyed taking on with Laura, is that we are in no way “asking for it,” and from what I have read from Laura’s posts I can see nothing that would even imply that she is asking for it.
Laura and I had talked many times about this idea well before it was born. We discussed how it would be a good idea to show the internet world that we are much more than girls with spouses in a semi-well known band. We have hobbies, careers, and aspirations aside from those of our loved ones and to shed some light on what we are really about. From what I understand this whole idea was to open up the idea for other girls who felt like they weren’t being taken seriously to know that they aren’t alone. It was not set out to be a cry for pity from girls who miss their boyfriends, but rather a look into some lives that are a bit quirkier than the average.
Standing my ground for what I think is right is something that I have learned to not be lenient about in the last few years. When you’re being anonymously attacked on the internet day after day it starts to really wear on you. This sounds completely ridiculous – I am fully aware. But I refuse to sit back and just take the things that these people are saying to us. Getting into a relationship like the ones that we are in requires the ability to accept that for months out of the year we will be alone. We will be handling everyday tasks that we would normally have assistance with alone. We have learned to let life go on no matter what the circumstance is. For me, however, that does not include brushing off hurtful and attacking things that people who don’t agree with what I say.
No matter how you spin things there will always be someone in a situation worse than we are. Be it women who are living their lives with spouses in the military away from them, with no contact for months, or other girls in the same situation with men who spend many more months on the road. I took this opportunity to voice my opinion on how I think people are treating something that was meant from the beginning to be a positive outlook on the way we live. And the chance to say that we have and are staying positive no matter what people throw at us. However, there comes a point when you just can’t take anymore. I may be speaking for myself on this one, but this is me sticking up for myself in the most graceful way I know how.
This is me simply reminding people who want to take out their frustrations on us of the golden rule we all (hopefully) learned at an early age. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, please, don’t say anything at all.”
