My Life as a Band Wife

I hate admitting this, but when I heard about Zooey Deschanel filing for divorce from Ben Gibbard, I was a little bummed out. I was also a little bit sad to hear about Katy Perry and Russell Brand. Not because I feel personally connected to these celebrities, but because each couple, after two years of marriage, decided to call it quits.

Just like that, it’s over.

I was going to write this piece after the Deschanel/Gibbard news, but became distracted by other things. A post from Alyssa on Tumblr last week re-kindled my interest in the subject:

What’s up with celebrities getting divorced within a few years of marriage?

What is up with that?

It’s commonly known that the first two years of marriage are the most difficult. Once you’re out of the honeymoon stage and into the “reality” stage, each person learns more about themselves and each other in new situations. You start to learn that your pre-existing thoughts and expectations may not align with the actuality of complicated situations. Marriage creates more to disagree about than when you were just dating or living together. In fact, according to StayHitched.com, “some feelings of disappointment, aloneness, and other reactions are normal – along with a let-down after the activity and excitement of the wedding period.”

There is a higher risk of an affair or a divorce in the first two years of marriage because of all of these negative feelings and challenging situations, regardless of how normal they are. Sometimes, couples begin to feel that the initial excitement of the marriage and relationship has worn off, that you’re less – or not at all – in love with your spouse.  

Aside from all of this, think about the new challenges you’re likely to take on with your new spouse. In the four months I have been married:

•  Jay went on tour for nearly two months, with one small break in the middle
• We found, bid on, and are in the process of closing on our first house
• We need to secure financing to build the studio in our new home

And that doesn’t include the stress from other, more personal matters in our lives since we got married.

The struggle of a celebrity couple is very different.  I am not going to pretend to know, or speculate on, the private and real details as to why they split up, but I would imagine it has something to do with spending the majority of their time away from one another.

Each half of the aforementioned couples had careers and public lives of their own. Even when they were dating, it was likely they spent more time apart than they did together – how well can you get to know someone you never really see? Relationships require more than just time on the phone or Skype. You can’t imitate or devalue the importance of being in close proximity of the person you love.

The concept of divorce is also a little bit different for a celebrity couple: it’s much easier for them to afford, even if it is just as hard to swallow for the celebrity couple as it is for the average couple.

Marriage is a lot of hard work. It’s not for everyone, and not everyone makes it. Given how I feel about marriage, it is hard to see these young, Hollywood couples give it up “so easily.”

What do you guys think? Should these celeb couples have tried harder to make it work?

[Photos from: Celebrity Smack | Technorati]